First I check for new friend requests...ah, there's one! Here begins my routine. Accept the request. Send him or her a token, the gift box, write a quick comment with it, "Thanks for being a friend." I then try to glean a little bit about them from their blog or their shared data, try to find something personal to say to this unknown entity. Try to find a way to remember that this screen name is really Linda and that one is Mark. Perhaps tell them about a challenge or a group or a message board thread of which their list of interests indicates they might like to be aware.
Next I'll check to see if anyone accepted a friend request I made. I often choose to invite people who've typed a comment somewhere on the Weight Watchers site that resonated with me, or who often appear in my habitual daily Weight Watchers message board threads. Same drill, try to glean something personal from some stats or a stated preference for home cooking. Find some way to connect the dots so this unknown entity becomes someone I can remember and relate to. Try to say something that will make them feel as if this stranger typing on their wall is someone they might enjoy responding to or knowing a little better.
Then I'll scroll down all the status updates since I was last online of those whom I've already listed as friends, to see who is posting something for which I feel I ought to write congratulations or encouragement. I'm afraid I'll feel guilty if I let a weight loss go unremarked or a gain unconsoled. The fear of guilt is as bad as the guilt!
I also try to find time to stay current with all the blogs on the Weight Watchers site that I have chosen to follow. I usually choose a blog based on the humor or on the quality of the writing or on the depth of personal feelings revealed. I try always to find something to comment upon in each blog I've read. If not, I try to find something personal to put on the blogger's wall so that they'll know that I connected with their thoughts or that they are an example for others.
In this way, I've learned quite a lot about a select few people, and at least something about quite a few more. I barely know Woodbee yet, but I can remember she's a female (at least I think I remember that correctly). I can rememeber that 1VirtualGenie is Stephanie and that she is married and has school-age children and works out of her home as a consulting project manager. I can remember that Lucy_Diamond is Heather and that she has a husband who travels, a younger child, an apparently close extended family, and a wicked sense of humor. I feel that many of us on the Weight Watchers site have gotten to know perhaps more than we expected to know about SoWhatSusan, an excellent blogger and very, very funny Canadian with grown kids whose husband George is temporarily posted in Annapolis and who is presently visiting family back in Canada. I can remember that Gregwoody is a sexy young man who can have a goofy sense of humor, is slightly older than my oldest son, and who has a big goofy dog and a heart the size of a planet.
Yesterday, I was catching up from a planned internet outage due to switching from Roadrunner to Uverse, and all of this clicking and typing seemed to become a chore. Here I was scurrying from message boards to groups to blogs to homepages to challenges, and feeling rather harried. Why do I do this to myself?
Then, as I was reading Linnea's blog (Scoutmasterand...), something she wrote struck me. I don't recall exactly what it was in her blog that did so, but I hope I never forget the insights it inspired.
I'd recently loaded an image of my Wood Badge beading ceremony from email to my hard drive, and it struck me hard that I was missing my old pals in Scouting whom I seldom run into anymore. I realized that I don't know many of them as well as I know Stephanie and Greg and Heather and Susan, and Cresent and Lars and Tim and Dean. I realized that each of us is a fully developed person behind the keyboard and monitor.
Wow! Each of us is a person! Each of us is so much more than just an avatar, or a set of statistics, or a photo, or a comment on a thread, or a blog entry! The realization stunned me. Each collection of bits and bytes represents a real someone who lives, breathes, eats, uses the bathroom, aches, thinks, and perhaps snores. Someone who went to school. Someone who might have run out of milk. Someone who cheers for a team or for a friend. Someone who might have an itch. Someone who might not like beets. Someone who might realize they need to put something in the dryer or to feed a pet. Someone who dozes off in front of the TV. Someone who might enjoy running or reading or knitting. Someone who feels joy, sorrow, frustration, fear, disappointment, elation, anger, thrills, pain, pride, insecurity, and most of all, love. Someone who connects face to face or online with many such someones, and who connects to my mind and often to my heart through those bits and bytes.
I don't know why this suddenly struck me so deeply. I am glad that it did. Now I can type it and mean it more deeply. "Thanks for being a friend."
Have a joyful holiday season, and a happy and healthy and skinny new year ...
with best wishes from ...
Mollie in Milwaukee, breast cancer survivor and diabetic, reader, walker, and knitter, mother of two grown sons and two grown daughters, soon to be a grandma (a boy!) for the first time, who recently adopted a two-year old rescued Shih-Tzu named Gordon, who has been married to Jim for over 31 years, who recently retired and moved her mom into her home to become a primary caregiver.
Each and every one of us is so very much more than an avatar ... may God bless us all.
